Below are the 6 most recent journal entries recorded in Neuro Digitalis (F)'s LiveJournal:

Tuesday, September 25th, 2001
2:14 am	Is it early or is it late? So much going on in the swill of a bucket that is my brain pan this morning.. or is it still night? Do I really care? Spent too many hours this evening in the closet ( no, not in the homosexual sense. I have a studio closet for music making. A sweet little mac setup in a sound dampened hot box. Kind of like creating in the belly of hell, if satan's livingroom smelled like cedar and mothballs. I like all other humans this week am snapping back to some sort of life normalcy.. although the world really does feel a few degrees different today. I've tickets to leave on a jet plane in about six weeks not just cross continental, but across the Atlantic too.. and to say I am nervous, and resent the fact that utilizing transportation is such an act of courage now... well. Life sucks some days, eh? Hope we survive this one as a collective. I've been thinking a lot lately about personal evolution.. how we seem as creatures to grow forward, reach plateaus of change.. and then stagnate until we realize that we're standing still. Oops! gotta move again... wonder why that is? Dunno, and can't figure it out on my sleep-deprived brain. I think I need to go catch some z's myself, so that if I do catch my own stagnation, I'll know how to keep it fed and healthy in captivity. YEP. I'm in one odd mood. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 19th, 2001
1:16 am	I've now officially survived thirty years on this planet, and some days.. Monumental of sorts, three decades of learning more about my self, my surroundings, my place and how out of place that can be some days.. About the humans I share space and time with, and end up ranting long winded lines about. Masculine, feminine, those that I love and shout curses to the gods over, all in the same breath some days.. The things I proudly proclaim that I've done, and then also the ones that I hide from even my inner self some days.. The battles and glories I choose to confront out of fear of ever saying why didn't I, and the ones that into dark afternoons I shed lonely tears from my eyes over some days.. About clues that present themselves as interlocking puzzle pieces to the curious and open minded, yet would ever perplex unfitting to us when we have to struggle to find balance some days.. about the dice chance roll of fate that is all of who, what, where, and why, and how it ended up that somehow in this world I seem to be the one that feels both blessed and guilty for having it all some days.. and coming to epiphinal thought at one fifteen a.m., that this good karma I've got has been paid for over and again in every deep breath of patience for the world, myself, and all of my friends some days.. M3 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 18th, 2001
8:31 am	Thoughts on the societal impact of the awareness of "Pepper" Okay, so this is kind of a wierd one, and really just a mental wander about how the quiet things that effect us on a daily basis likely have more effect than we ever realize.. take for instance "pepper." A condiment used about a tenth of the time (at least in the US) by my total guess as it's morton companion-pack sold counterpart, salt. At least that is, before the song ( and I am horrific about popular culture band names, so I don't know who does this song but it;s one of the morphed stuff your voice down a tin distortion tube post grunge boy bands) "French Fries with Pepper." I say this, because FFwithP is one of those songs that sticks in your craw.. if you hear it in the morning on AM radio your cursed to have it play in the back of your brain like a bad audial auschewitz bath... over and over and over again. So this is one of those songs, and it makes me think the other day "I wonder if this means more people are ordering French Fries with Pepper in the US? " you know.. one of those intrigue by association, or the green ketchup experiment.. because none of us are used to the idea of green ketchup we might not like it even tho it tastes exactly the same as red ketchup..well, this is related.. we might not like green ketchup or have even thought about it because we've been eating patriotic red sauce all these years.. and nobody introduced green ketchup before now into the populace. Enter pepper into our condiment cache by way of a bad song that I only know by having a stripper dance to it one night while picking up a friend at his job ( but that's another tale altogether) what I am coming full circle in thought here (in a sorta neverending figure eight way) is the idea that things introduce themselves into our culture and are thought of in popular thought by not only their inherent properties, but the way in which they leak into popular awareness. Since french fries with pepper is a song now, and that song is trendy amongst a certain group of young angsters, will it become punk rock to sit at Mickey D's and blacken your plate of fried starch to the point of having hot goth fries to munch? OKAY.. if there was any question before this that a) I think way too much about the most trivial shit in life b) I have too much caffiene in my system this morning c) I think way too much about condiments in general and d) I type like a crack fiend without regard for the rules of the english language.. bing! bing! bing! Tell our sweet reader what they've won, Bob! Me, shutting up about pepper. but think about it, K? Next time you order fries, become a part of the Anarchistic wave that is the darker spice unrealized in our culture before now.... (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 1st, 2001
1:30 pm	It's raining today and all that wet from the sky is a good reflection of my dour mood. Tired, burnt out.. fried.. just plain don't want to be here anymore, and it's only Thursday. Went out to lunch with my boss and had a long talk about my current 'attitude' and how maybe I should think about finding happiness rather than staying here.. ( no, he isn't firing me.. told me he doesn't want to lose me. just doesn't want me miserable, and having that misery effect the rest of the crew either.) Miscommunications between myself and our producer (who I'll avoid saying negative things about by choice) have come to a head with my now believing she is the ugly spawn of the antichrist some moments, who couldn't delegate her way out of a wet paper bag with a knife. The hardest part is admitting that yeah, I am part of the problem ( once again, my shitty attitude, as well as my expecting more out of others than I really should)and so effectively should be able to let HER reality go, by assumption that if I can come to terms with getting through my own reality successfully here... well, I can only do what I can do, right? (Acceptance is such a bitch most days.) Good thing this is a rant without consequence. :) ON a lighter note and more possitive, my personal life is fab-o. Tho generally it seems since I write this journal from work, I will mostly be bitching about work issues.. I do have a life outside of here for sure. This is just the part of my life most prevelant at the moment. Running off at the fingers.. nothing at the moment to say beyond the fact that I can't wait to get out of here this evening. (Why do I wish life away at full speed even amongst the knowledge that that is exactly what I do?) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 28th, 2001
5:03 pm	3 days of Corporaria can make one weak. The truth of the matter is, this is Wednesday, but I haven't been here much this week. I'm growing an ever more bitter taste in my mouth over my disperate daily existence.. and am constantly trying to find ways to justify why I am here, doing what I do on a daily basis.. (While the money's good, it's not so good that I should be considering the bartering worth of my creative soul, that's for sure.) Creative outlet constantly calls my name.. Difficult to keep on top of the list of 'things' to do.... Another couple of days passes in the land of the freaks, and it seems two more of my friends are picked off in the last fourty eight hours.. fired, or downsized. Whichever way you want to look at it. Hey, right about now, I figure I should be thankful for having a job in the first place.. right? Went out for Fat Tuesday last night with a couple of tantalizing friends. Girl/Boy/Girl, we sauntered out into the chilly night, high on life and a bit o' green.. I think our resident boy was in heaven to be sandwiched at points between the two of us. (Apparently, it's a good thing to be seen with two hot chicks(tm.))Hit a couple of clubs.. started with a gay bar where friend(m)bares his family glory for plastic and friend(f) flashes in true Mardi Gras style for beads as well (I egged them on, of course!).. I came home with three strands of beads, and didn't have to show NUTTIN for em. (Not to say I wouldn't have, but as wiped out as I was last night, I definitely was more in the mood for observation than activity.) This morning, the world continues to wax wierd as the pacific northwest ( now I've narrowed down the PART of the country for you.. but somehow, unless I've told you WHO I am ( and you know why YOU are) I'm relatively sure this is about as 'anonymous' as anything ever gets. )rocked on a 4-7 point earthquake ( depending on where you were at.) We all felt the building we're in shake.. and I had visions of this beautiful old loft coming down around our ears. ( I think there are already new cracks in the walls, but of course without a good look before hand, could never be sure..... ( Have to go live some more. Another friend's coming over this evening to hang out and work on projects..never ending.) (Comment on this)
Monday, February 26th, 2001
11:49 am	Some things you begin by compulsion. Like the need to randomly blather to nobody in particular, in good chance that your words will go unnoticed, as if non-existent. WHY? Well, why the hell not? Seems like this is the hip thing to do nowadays.. hop on the i'net, whip yourself up a journal site, and blamo! Share all your intimate thoughts with complete strangers under the assumed preface of 'anononimity.' Some form of sick and twisted self-help therapy for the cold digital masses. So, I could be anywhere in the United states, so be thankful I've narrowed down the choice on the planet at least. I don't know that I've left any telling information along my wake.. but I'll buy a zagnut bar for anyone that can guess a) my identity, b)my identity, or c) my identity, and let me know who the hell I've become over the last few years. I seem to have lost track. ( Maybe too much zagnut.) A little bit of personal, to give you some crazy clues. I am currently in love a number of times over, and am involved with too many humans, pets and projects (Not to mention human pet projects.) Ever an optimistic realist... what can I say? ((Tired today, and not very creative for sure. So that's about all.)) (Comment on this)